it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
