sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
