THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
