Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
