Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
