...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
