He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
