loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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