can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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