his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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