So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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