I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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