I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
