There is no way he is gay with that hair.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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