saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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