i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
