This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
