I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
