Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
