He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
