Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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