Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
