Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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