i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
