my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
