come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
