there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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