the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
