How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
