oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
