I have demons in me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
