the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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