dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
