Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
