He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
