Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
