Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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