Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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