I need help removing her.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
