omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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