He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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