The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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