I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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