Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
