I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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