I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
