Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
