My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
