Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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