Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im holly from the hills drunk
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
