you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
