Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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