I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.