there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.