the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.