I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
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I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.