So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible