im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
