Who did Billy Mays play for?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
