The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
