it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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