I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
