Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
