is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
