Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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