Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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