no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
