I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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