My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
