Sponge bath it is.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
