I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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