Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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