The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
