how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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