Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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