I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
