I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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