We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
