Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
