My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The air was thick with penises
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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