you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
