remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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